Introduction
Leaders need to seek better communication skills not only for themselves and their leadership teams, but as part of the organization’s culture. Successful change management requires getting everyone moving in one new direction.
People will be talking with one another while you’re trying to drive change. As a leader, you want to make sure those conversations are out in the open so that objections can be addressed and people will grow confident in your leadership.
Better Communication Skills at the Organization Level
What do we mean when we talk about the communication skills of an organization? At the individual level, we know how to describe communication skills. We talk about someone’s style, their subject matter knowledge, their ability to adapt their message to their target audience, their preparation, etc.
In an organization, better communication skills are something we seek to build in the culture. To be specific, we’re seeking to create a cultural norm of frequent, open dialogue. When that’s the norm, people feel safe in raising concerns and objections, knowing that they will be heard.
They also recognize that they are obligated to participate in dialogue, whether in meetings or less formally among their peers. It’s part of their job, making sure they are contributing not only their labor but their expertise, insight and ideas whenever possible.
Leaders need to look out for the two biggest barriers to better communication skills in an organization: silence and violence.
Recognizing Silence
Very simply, silence means people are not participating in the dialogue. Said another way, important conversations are not happening because people are choosing not to engage in them.
Why is silence a problem?
Hopefully you’ve hired smart people. It only makes sense, then, that you want and need the insights of those smart people when you’re leading a change program. Smart people always have thoughts and opinions. When they go silent, you lose the benefit of knowing those thoughts and opinions.
Besides not having the input, when people are silent you don’t know where they stand. Do they understand what you are trying to accomplish? Are they committed to working with you and your team, or do they have reservations? Without clear understanding and commitment, how will you bring these people along with you?
Addressing Silence
First and foremost, make sure you’ve created an environment where it’s safe to speak out. Many people who turn to silence do so because they feel they may be ignored or worse yet criticized for speaking up.
Examine your behavior — what do you do when you are challenged? Do you fight back right away? Or do you give considered answers and act respectful when you disagree with the challenger? Check the same behaviors in your leadership team, and within the organization in general. You’ve got to make it safe for people to engage. Your behavior will set the tone.
If you’re sure it’s safe and you see individuals are still reluctant to add their input to the dialogue of the organization, coach them individually. Let them know how much their input is valued and needed, and thank them when they open up.
Recognizing Violence
In this context, violence can be described as the tendency of one or a few individuals to dominate conversations. When there is violence, there is no chance for open dialogue. The dominators, if there are more than one, may argue their points without effectively listening to one another. And those who are not dominating the conversation will end up going silent, out of frustration or boredom.
So in the end, violence begets silence. How do you address violence?
As a leader, maintain your own objectivity. You’re a participant in the conversations taking place, but you must also be an observer. Learn to step out of the discussion from time to time and assess what’s happening. If you observe individuals dominating to the point where others are checking out, you need to intervene.
The degree of intervention depends on just how “violent” the dialogue is getting. It can be as simple as reminding someone to ease up a little and open themselves up to push back from others. Or it can go all the way to having to call a time out and taking people aside to help them see that their passion is overwhelming others and suppressing good dialogue.
The Result of Silence and Violence
One of two things is going to happen when you don’t have open dialogue in which everyone is actively engaged.
You’ll stall. Some strong people will argue and debate ad infinitum, while others check out. And your change strategy goes no where.
You’ll move forward. Not everyone will be participating, but strong people will drive and dominate the dialogue and the resulting actions.
Stalling will be very clear to you, and you’ll need to intervene to create safety, get people engaged, help break logjams, etc.
Moving forward might not seem so bad, but beware. Depending on just how many people have gone silent, there may be a time bomb in your implementation plan. When things go wrong, as they do in any change initiative, there will be a number of people who will have effectively positioned themselves to wash their hands of all responsibility.
As we noted earlier, just because they go silent doesn’t mean they don’t have input and opinions. When the plan goes forward and they’ve been shouted down, or chose not to engage because they felt it wasn’t safe, they will be in a position to say “that wasn’t my idea”.
Even though such behavior should be unacceptable, it happens way too often. Prevent it by setting expectations around organizational communication, specifically creating a shared value for open, honest dialogue without repercussion or disrespect.
By: Tom O\’Dea
Posts Tagged ‘Violence’
Better Communication Skills — Silence and Violence
January 28th, 2010Communication, Commitment and Trust. the Three Corners of a Long Distance Relationship
December 3rd, 2009he three corners of a long distance relationship.
Which one of the three corners of a triangle is the most important?
Or to put it another way, which one of the three can you take away in order to leave a triangle? Obviously, if you take out any one of them, your triangle will collapse. The same goes for a long distance relationship. It actually applies to any relationship, but I’ll show you why it’s so crucially important in a long distance relationship.
Communication
There is no such thing as a relationship without communication. If you want one-way communication, get yourself a potted plant. They’re also very good at one way communication. Some people even say their potted plants thrive when they talk to them. But there’s very few people that would admit their plants actually talk back to them.
Communication is such a basic part of every day life, that you’d think most people would be quite proficient at it. Breathing is an important part of everyday life, and most people seem to manage it quite fine, so communication should be a breeze shouldn’t it? (pun not intended) Guess again! Most people don’t know the first thing about communication.
What do you think is the single most common reason for marriages ending in divorce? Make your pick from the following: Infidelity (unfaithfulness), communication, violence, sexual problems, money problems, too busy lifestyle, or self-centeredness.
Apparently (I didn’t verify this statistic) fully 85% of marriages that end up in the divorce court, end because of a lack of communication. Looking at the list above, you will see that communication actually plays a part in most, if not all of the other factors. Whether or not you are married or just in a serious relationship doesn’t make the slightest difference here. Your relationship may not end up in a divorce court, but the reason for it breaking could be exactly the same.
Becoming a good communicator
It’s all fine and well that you now know communication is so very important, but what good does it do you if I don’t help you to communicate better? In order to help you, I’m going to show you a few basics of communication. People communicate differently due to various reasons, including, but not limited to:
- maturity
- sex
- culture
- temperament
Maturity
Your level of maturity is mirrored by your communication. I don’t mean you should sit around and complain about the good old days like old people, I just mean that you need to (at least some times) be able to have a good heart-to-heart discussion about important issues.
I can’t think how an immature person would handle a long distance relationship. If you are in a long distance relationship and you want it to work, you will have to handle it in a very mature way. This is especially important due to the fact that you are not together all the time. Your communication time is limited, so when you need to discuss serious matters, you can’t just shy away from it.
So what do you do if your partner isn’t mature? Well, luckily, maturity is something you can learn. People are born with a certain tendency towards maturity, but the more mature you act the more mature you will become. If your partner is serious about your relationship he will make it work. Sit down and have a mature discussion about it. This is sometimes one of those things that you just need to point out for the change to occur.
Sex
We all know men and women communicate differently, and I’m not just referring to the actual topics of the conversation. Men focus more on words and technicalities, whereas women focus more on tone of voice and body language. And that’s a pretty big generalization. Just remember, when you’re talking to somebody of the opposite sex that that person may interpret your meaning in a completely different way than what you initially intended. Be aware of that fact, and you can save yourself a world of trouble.
Culture
This is especially important for couples that are of different backgrounds. And I’m not just referring to different ethnic backgrounds. Even people from the same ethnic background, but different parts of the same country can have very different ways of communication.
You should never hide behind the fact that you’re from a different culture. What I mean is: If you know certain people find certain words offensive, even though where you come from they have different meanings, it doesn’t give you the right to abuse that fact. When communicating with your partner, always keep your backgrounds in consideration.
Temperament
You all know those people that seemingly get offended at everything? Or what about those people who seem to offend everybody with their style? Even though it’s also not something to hide behind, it’s probably a factor of their different personalities (temperaments). It’s a good idea, if you’re in a serious relationship, to find out exactly what personality type both you and your partner are. It will make communication so much easier. You will suddenly understand why, for example your partner misinterprets certain things you say, or why she sometimes seems so harsh on you.
Commitment
There really isn’t much to say about this. When you find somebody you really love, you WILL commit to that person. If you don’t, then your relationship is doomed from the start. There can be no relationship when there is no commitment. The moment an even remotely interesting third party shows up, your relationship will be down the drain if you haven’t committed to each other.
Commitment is something that you will have to work on. It builds heavily on the communication you have in your relationship, but also on trust. See why I say none of the three corners can be removed?
Trust
Let me just start of by saying this: Distrust is normal. Don’t feel like a terrible person just because you don’t always trust your partner. By the way; you thought your partner was great, so somebody else may just think the same way. But before you let trust – or the lack thereof – ruin your relationship, just ask yourself the following question: Why am I distrustful?
Do you have a valid reason for distrusting your partner? Really think about it for a while. If you both really love each other and are truly committed, why are you worrying? One of the main reasons to be distrustful is probably because of mass media. We’ve all seen movies, TV shows or have read books where the husband/wife comes home early only to find an untrustworthy partner in bed with someone else.
Does this really happen? Unfortunately it does. Does it happen nearly as often as we are made to believe? I’ve seen the Golden Gate Bridge being destroyed at least 5 times during the last 10 years. Funnily enough, it’s still standing; despite what Hollywood thinks should be happening. I’ve also seen at least 6 different attempts by aliens to take over or destroy the planet (some more humorous than others). I’ve still to see my first real alien – the green tentacled type, not the illegal immigrant type.
Suffice it to say this: Trust is like respect. The more you give, the more you will get. If you really trust your partner, it will show, and you will receive the trust back. You weren’t planning on cheating were you? Of course not, so trust you partner to do the same.
But here, once again, the three corners of the triangle will have to work together. I firmly believe that the more you communicate, and the more openly you communicate, the more you will learn to trust each other. And the more you trust each other the more committed you will be to each other. And the more committed you are, the more you will trust each other and communicate with each other.
I can carry on like this for a few more paragraphs until you are completely dizzy, but I’m certain you understand by now. If you feel you need to work on one of these points, you will have to work on all three of them.
By: Leon Louw
